An Overdue Appreciation for the Handjob
The handjob. A hand. A penis. Some rhythmic caressing, usually in a masturbatory motion then, climax. It’s a move as old as time. It’s also a sexual maneuver usually performed under the age of 20. After that point, most of us have had sex a few times and a handjob, whether giving or receiving, feels a little puerile. That’s why it’s an excellent word for a lighthearted quip.
The actual act of a handjob is strange to think about. Most men are perfectly capable of achieving onanistic fruition without the addition of a different person’s hand. It’s not like it makes men blind. Plus, there’s not much pleasure for a woman; although, for the orally squeamish, this might not be the case. That’s why it’s such a perfect joke.
No one is getting emotionally scarred by an innocuous handjob joke. You can use the pithier HJ to make jokes that are more ridiculous than if you used BJ as the noun. Blowjobs ruin lives. Handjobs just make you laugh, or if you’re 16 they make you quite horny. When you’re 16 everything makes you horny.
Handjobs aren’t the fashion for my age demographic (almost a decade over 20), which is why demanding a handjob from someone is so utterly hilarious. It’s like you’re saying as an adult: “No, I do not wish to copulate with you. Instead I’d like your less-than-expert attempts to initiate the “feeling” of vaginal/anal sex with your hand(s).” My gay friends agree as well. HJ’s are so passe, they’re retro cool.
Plus, at a certain age, we’ll all take something that brings us back to our youth. What’s more youthful and hysterical than a man’s first hand job? Every first handjob story is a laugh-fest. Go ahead, ask any guy you know. They’ll be sure to regale you with an amusing anecdote about some terrified girl or guy attempting a handjob. There’s nothing sexy or titillating about a handjob. The vary existence of handjobs is awkward. That’s why it’s such a perfect forum to talk about one’s sexuality during childhood and the various embarrassments it has provided everyone in some form or another.
Handjobs. Lets give them a hand.
-
whydoihaveablog liked this
-
spencerlund posted this
